Friday, June 18, 2010

Confessions and Lessons of a first time Dad-Part 2

So this post may be entertaining to some and may piss others off-which is kind of a summation of my personality in general.

Most know that I watched Camryn for 4 days while Erica was at girl's camp. I have learned many things about parenting, some of which I will share:

Day 1-POOL
I have been to the pool quite a bit already, but it's always funny to go on a week day when you are usually the only male there. It's also slightly embarrassing to have a shiny silver pool bag and a million other items one must take with you when you have a child. What I learned is that there must be a market for Swim Diapers that actually work. Camryn took a juicy dump in one and I didn't realize this until it started oozing out onto my towel. Camryn is petrified of her own poo and started screaming; sadly enough...I am just as petrified. Walking with your poopy kid to the bathroom is kind of like walking around with your zipper down. The walk of shame is also accompanied by a bunch of women who stare at you like you some how could have prevented your kid's bowel movement. I just stared at them like I was going to throw the poo in their face, mean while I thought to myself, "At least my kid is cute". I don't really think those mean of things, but in a stressful situation is just comes.
We successfully stripped her down and showered her off. She was of course traumatized at the sight-as was I-did you know almonds don't fully digest? We recovered and went home, while the lame moms burned in the sun.

Here are the lessons I learned that I feel I can share because I'm a dad and have heard so many people complain about the difficulty of children:

1. Naps are gifts from God.

2. Long car rides are like plane trips-you can give your kid ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to keep them entertained. There might as well be a conveyer belt of sugar going into their mouths; binky? You can have it because the alternative is me driving this car into a wall and death isn't a good thing. There is no judging.

3. If I have to play with jewelry, sing lullabies, put hair in a pony tail anymore I may grow breasts, and manboobs aren't becoming.

4. Mom's are WAY better than dad's, more kind, loving, and patient. Just know that I'm on to all of's not that difficult. It was a fun time.


Greg said...

That is hilarious! As another young dad I echo every single thing you said.

Trent & Brooke said...

hahh! i can totally visualize the scenario at the pool- hilarious!
camryn is one lucky girl- such a fun dad and such a lovely mama!
oh and erica im going to girls camp this year too!

Brenda said...

Oh the beauty of reading a post by one mother who knows and understands exactly where you are coming from. Wait till she starts biting people like you did.

Nichelle said...

hahahaha poor little cam frightened with no comfort from dad since he was just as frightened. that poor baby girl. i'm glad erica's home

Karen M. said...

I love how you can make the most difficult moments seem funny. At least after 4 days you stilll have your sense of humor! I'm glad Erica is back for both of your sakes-

Tolly+L+L said...

Every dad should have a few days alone with the kid(s). They need to know. I think Tod would LOVE having the boys to himself for a few days but NOTHING else would get done. Not dishes, not laundry, not bills, not baths, not teeth brushing, not......

I'd like to see you with man boobs.

My Name is Mike said...

i really love it when you blog. like a lot