Confessions and Lessons of a first time Dad-Part 2

So this post may be entertaining to some and may piss others off-which is kind of a summation of my personality in general.

Most know that I watched Camryn for 4 days while Erica was at girl's camp. I have learned many things about parenting, some of which I will share:

Day 1-POOL

I have been to the pool quite a bit already, but it's always funny to go on a week day when you are usually the only male there. It's also slightly embarrassing to have a shiny silver pool bag and a million other items one must take with you when you have a child. What I learned is that there must be a market for Swim Diapers that actually work. Camryn took a juicy dump in one and I didn't realize this until it started oozing out onto my towel. Camryn is petrified of her own poo and started screaming; sadly enough...I am just as petrified. Walking with your poopy kid to the bathroom is kind of like walking around with your zipper down. The walk of shame is also accompanied by a bunch of women who stare at you like you some how could have prevented your kid's bowel movement. I just stared at them like I was going to throw the poo in their face, mean while I thought to myself, "At least my kid is cute". I don't really think those mean of things, but in a stressful situation is just comes.

We successfully stripped her down and showered her off. She was of course traumatized at the sight-as was I-did you know almonds don't fully digest? We recovered and went home, while the lame moms burned in the sun.

Here are the lessons I learned that I feel I can share because I'm a dad and have heard so many people complain about the difficulty of children:

1. Naps are gifts from God.

2. Long car rides are like plane trips-you can give your kid ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to keep them entertained. There might as well be a conveyer belt of sugar going into their mouths; binky? You can have it because the alternative is me driving this car into a wall and death isn't a good thing. There is no judging.

3. If I have to play with jewelry, sing lullabies, put hair in a pony tail anymore I may grow breasts, and manboobs aren't becoming.

4. Mom's are WAY better than dad's, more kind, loving, and patient. Just know that I'm on to all of you...it's not that difficult. It was a fun time.