Sunday, January 24, 2010

Back Among the Omnivores

Alas, I must post and admit defeat on meat. I gave it a good run. My one recommendation for Vegetarians is--don't try this at home. Let me break this down for you all. I was excited to get this process started and went down to the local Trader Joe's on a bright sunny day to fill up the miniature carts with organic, vegetarian goods. Side bar conversation: People who love Trader Joe's are a special. I probably did 5 laps around the store looking for food--I was struggling to find items without meat. I figured sandwiches were the way to go, so I bought healthy bread and vegetables, along with some spicy humus. I also ended up with soy milk, cereal, nuts, and some veggie burgers. I happily paid and loaded all my groceries in a recyclable paper bag (though everyone there had their own bags that they probably hand constructed from the grass in their back yard).

I got home and made a veggie sandwich that tasted pretty good--the key to healthy food is to make sure it's spicy; it hides that earthy flavor that people pretend they like. For dinner I tried to make a veggie burger. This was before all the great comments on the Boca burger. I heated it up and took a bite--the brown mass had chunks of corn, peas and other indecipherable elements. I'm sure you can imagine how this metaphor may go...much like the diaper I had changed on my 1 year old.

Anyway, I went Vegan for three days (they have to be unhappy people). Then I started introducing some dairy, then I just started eating cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. THEN I started eating some fish. Finally on the third week, we had constant rain and were trapped inside. We had some friends come over and decided to grab some food. Erica so kindly said she wanted Chipotle. She's so supportive; let's go to the meat bar and you can have some rice and beans. That was it, I ordered a carnitas burrito and never looked back. I also popped open a diet coke with Lime and let euphoric liquid slide through my veins.

I have learned that I think most Vegetarians are fat. You can only really eat carbs, there is no way you're getting full on vegetables. Secondly, being a vegetarian tears up your your bowels...I'll stop there. Also, if you're going to do this you really have to plan in advance because there is meat lurking around every corner just waiting to jump in your hungry little mouth.

Finally, I love meat. I do have to say I would feel better about eating organic where ever possible, but again, it takes time and preparation--not to mention zero restaurants under one billion dollars a plate serve organic food.

Everything in moderation is such a wise rule. God didn't make animals to just look at--He wanted us to eat their little faces...maybe not that graphic; I just wanted to say that for dramatic affect. I think America needs to calm down on the food frenzy and eat healthy. I did sleep a lot better without my soda. I feel better when I don't consume blue lake #7. I still hate tomatoes, cilantro, onions, broccoli and sour dough bread. I need to exercise to actually get in shape--The End...until I find some other weird experiment

12 comments:

Carrie said...

Love it. Love your open-honest-hilarious commentary on everything! I totally agree with your conclusions...but did so by not going vegan. Don't care to try...though I have always wanted to do a cleansing...but not yet gotten around to it.

The Yardley's said...

exactly as i predicted. not being rude. just practical. i completely agree with everything you said. its the thought that counts right?!?

ps- people reading this probably think im so rude. oh well. you know me.... and i am rude.

KelliJamison said...

I would have to disagree with a few things...sorry Ry! Not all vegetarians are FAT!! I've been veggie for 6 1/2 years and my weight has been consistent throughout. I know what you're saying that it's a lot easier to just eat carbs (and if you don't like veggies, it's even tougher) and it does take a little extra planning, but it can be done. I was never the meat lover that you are though, so kudos to lasting for 3 weeks!! And remember...diet coke is totally vegan;)

Nichelle said...

hahaha i wish i could have seen your reaction to the boca burger. yeah people are so hilarious with their recyclable fabric bags. it would disgust you to have to bag their groceries as i do, seeing all the cat and dog hair covered inside of the dirty, disgusting, old man breath smelling bags.

lauren ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lauren ann said...

Tears rolling down my cheeks... that is all I have to say about this post.

PS I was a vegetarian for about 2.5 years- worst years of my life:) Welcome back to the carnivore club- it's a good one

The Davenports said...

Haha Ryan you're such an entertaining blogger! I thought about giving vegeterainism a try for a little while, just to be healthy but "chickened" out, so good job in trying it out. And thanks for sharing your experience it made me laugh!

Lou said...

Hey Ry,

Let's be honest. Who doesn't love little Marshmellow Ry anyway? There is nothing better than going on a road trip with you because 3 miles into it, the skittles, sugar babies, mambas, nibs, red hots, tooties, etc., come pouring out of the glove box in all their glory...and then we chase them with a full lead soda.

Can it get any better? Oh, and personally I just think vegetarians stink. They all smell like lentils and onions.

Love love.

Amy said...

You didn't say whether you are a skinny "b", so?! Good job for stepping outside your box. PS Carnitas are the devil!!

Tolly+L+L said...

Interesting experiment. Glad you tried it for both of us. You just saved me a trip to Trader Joe's.

Pew Family said...

HILARIOUS is all I have to say about that! Never tried to be a vegetarian and never will thanks to you!

My Name is Mike said...

AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

I love it when you post.