Thursday, December 31, 2009

My Wife Hates Me

While I wait for my wife to get back I figured I would take the time to solicit some feedback. Every year I do something weird that makes my wife question why she ever married me--okay actually probably once a week. I remind her how special I am all the time. Right now my new thing is becoming a Vegetarian for the month of January (she's real annoyed by it). My boss gave me a book called Skinny Bastard (maybe as a hint). The book is extremely interesting-a little crazy and innapropriate, but interesting. You pretty much feel like everything you eat will kill you. It slightly encourages you to become a vegan, but preaches vegetarian-ism. I thought it was time to give my diet of In and Out, Airheads, and Diet Coke with Lime a deserving rest and try something new with edible items that actually grow from the ground with natural color instead of in test tubes with color like Blue Lake #7 (that's my favorite--usually blue raspberry).

I am going to cut down on dairy as well--read the book and you'll see why. I will also drink water, which I hate with a passion. What I need from our audience are quick vegetarian items you all eat that I can make quickly. Here are a list of some things I hate so don't include them in your response (this also makes my wife angry, I tell her I have white trash taste buds, it's not my fault).
-tomatoes
-onions
-cilantro
-broccoli
-sourdough bread (maybe one day Karen...you keep eating that coconut)
-any type of vinegarette dressing
-cooked carrots
The list could go on, but those are the main items.

I will also start up my p90x routine-I would enjoy it more if it didn't have pull-ups. I have to run to the other room to do them, my ceilings are low, plus I have to get a little step stool because I can't do one on my own-it's all very discouraging.

That's it, please let the advice (and encouragement) commence. I may do "before and after" photos in a couple months, but I'm not sure if my self esteem is up for just a "before" photo right now. Just imagine a popcicle stick then slide a marshmallaw around the center where the stomach would be. grab a couple smaller ones and slide them up where the glutius maximus would be located. Now dress it up in cool clothes that are just a little too tight because the popsicle stick can't afford clothes that fit. Granted this popcicle stick is extremely fun to hang out with and has a great personality... Thanks for your help.




13 comments:

Lindsey and David said...

Oh my goodness... I became a vegetarian for about two months due to a book called Skinny Bitch. It sounds idenical to your book! There is also Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven. Kelli (vegatarian) read the original while at my home and she was off of Diet Coke for a long time. It's DISCUSTING what goes on in slaughter houses, dairy farms, chicken farms, and basically anything that is not organic.

My advice to you is to 1) get the female version of the book for Erica (because she will totally do it with you after reading it) and 2)skip the pull-ups.

Happy New Year and resolutioning!

Brittany Simmons said...

I too flipped through some of Skinny Bi--h. It made me feel like I was eating horribly, but oh well. Good for you for trying to change. Maybe you'll learn that you do like other healthy foods after all. You'll probably eat a lot of beans (black, pinto), sour cream, cheese, salads, pasta. You should look at my friends food blog. She's mostly vegan and a great cook! She has tons of recipes on there. (it's called Sweet and Savory on my blog list). Happy New Year!

Trent & Brooke said...

I also read "Skinny B" (i hate that word) and really liked it--- super interesting and makes you never want to eat things with blue #7 flavor or drink diet coke.

Trent and I rarely eat meat and this is my major suggestion for those of us who can't shop at Whole Foods every day...Trader Joe's!

Love it, love the pre-made easy meals, almost everything is organic and doesn't cost an arm and a leg.

These are our some of our favorite TJ items:
pesto tortellini- (frozen individual packs)
gyozas (frozen)
flatbread
roasted red pepper tomato soup (try their other soups if you don't like tomatoes)
mostly all of their salad dressings
sea salt pita chips
pad thai (frozen individual bowls)

P.S. love p90x and yes the pull-ups definitely ruin the rhythm of the workout!

Anonymous said...

Hey Ryan,
I did the LOVE the book and it gives a great insight...i have another book that i love...it's very healthy eating, but not vegetarian, maybe Erica would be more supportive with it:) Just trying to help out! It is Sonoma Diet. I have had great success and the meals are delicious! Good luck!
Heather

The Yardley's said...

okay, here goes nothing.

1. basically growing up a vegetarian (eating chicken only), then marrying a cattle farmer i've come to conclude that you can and should eat all things in moderation. We live off of our chickens and cows, which is totally gross sounding, but its satisfying to know that we literally eat the fruits of our labor. and its all organic. so, that aspect makes me feel good about eating meat.

2. i think its a great idea to try to give up meat, but you might turn into a sissy. i prefer going the organic route rather than cutting it out completely. you dont want to be a lightweight do you?

3. i feel like you would like that list of foods if you cooked them right.

4. you should get involved with erica when she cooks. your like a child... when my kids cook with me, they actually eat the veggies and get excited about food. you should try it.

5. i dont blame erica for hating you right now. no one wants a downer when they are trying to enjoy a good meal. im just sayin.

Nichelle said...

hahahaha ryan and julie you are killing me right now. i totally agree with everything in moderation. i don't know what that book is about but i think the only think that works for being a healthy person is really wanting to be a healthy person and not just wanting to be a skinny whatever. this plan sounds like an extreme jump and take it from an extremist, moderation is what lasts longer than a 90 day diet.

lauren ann said...

umm have you ever thought about quitting your job and becoming a comedic columnist (preferably in Utah)... every time I read one of your post I am laughing out loud.

All I can is all my respect with this one. I can't even begin to figure out what in the world I would eat without all my artificial additives, sweeteners, and meat. I only wish I had the self control to even think about this. As for now, Ill stick with my New Years resolution of flossing more than once a week- not sure I can even do that.

Excited to see hear about and see you skinny bastard results. Keep us posted, keep me laughing, and come to utah asap.

Tolly+L+L said...

Hmmmm lately meat has been really grossing me out so I've opted for more (not all) of a vegetarian diet. Love pita bread with good hummus (I agree with Sarah; Trader Joe's is great).

I'm interested in these books -- why less dairy?

KelliJamison said...

Hey Ry...I got the books for xmas and got the Skinny Bitch in the Kitch book that goes along with the first book. There are a lot of good recipes in it. I have been a veggie for 6 years and thought a lot of the stuff in that book was good, and it makes me think I should drink more water, less dairy, etc...but a lot of the information they have in the book is not scientifically proven (according to Doug:), so don't go crazy trying to cut out everything they talk about. My go to meatless favs are peanut butter and anything, edamame is a great snack, avocado, hummus, shredded carrot wraps, boca burgers with lots of toppings (you'll never know you're missing the meat) and egg dishes like frittatas. Good luck...I'm happy to give you some recipes! Have fun with P90X...I'm quite tempted to try it myself!

Amy said...

A: Erica doesn't hate you.
B: What's one month to try an experiment? Anyone can do anything for 1 mo... it's nothing.
C: Do I think this is a new life defining change... absolutely not. I'm actually curious to see how long it will actually last :)
D: I agree... you should become a columnist.

Chase and Nichole said...

I also agree that you should become a columnist. Please do it!

I have a lot of yummy vegitarian recipes, but it's kinda hard if you are going to be picky about vegetables when you want to be a vegitarian. Silly! I will email you some over FB.

Chase and Nichole said...

P.S. One quick thing I can tell you I like are Bocca Burgers. Just grill them on the stove or BBQ, get some really good cheese to put on it, maybe a little BBQ sauce and sauteed mushrooms and they are so good! They are also vegan. The closest you can get to In n Out being a vegitarian

Brianne-zam said...

Ryan, Mike told me he ran into a less than enthusiastic Erica at the grocery store. I hear her though, vegetarian is so limiting from our experience with Mike. But hey, if you are up for the task, go for it!! I have been trying to elicit recipes from my friends for Mike to try too, so if I actually get some and they are tasty I will pass them on. Really you don't like vinegarette, tomatoes or sourdough bread, wow:-)
Good luck to ya!
Briana