Sunday, September 27, 2009

My birthday sucked...but even bad memories are good

My family knows me so well, it was my 29th birthday and they gave me just what I was hoping for--a hike up Mt. Timpanogos and some BYU football *insert screeching record sound here*. What? Okay so it was really a birthday weekend for my dad who shares a Sept. birthday. I thought it would be fun to go hang out-I do enjoy a good BYU game actually and hiking couldn't be bad.

Here's the deal-Satan lives at the top of Mt. Timpanogos. Yup he sits up there in that little white shed at the top and laughs at everyone who hikes to the top and wonders why they just wasted 4 hours of their life and still have to go back down. I'd like to say at the end of it that it was worth it...that would be a lie and I told Satan I don't lie. The truth with hiking is it's great for a few hours. A couple hours in and a couple hours out. I love being in the Mountains, looking at waterfalls, maybe even spot some wildlife frolicking in green pastures. Admittedly I haven't done anything with my marshmallow over bone body for six months so probably dragging it from sea level to 12,000 ft. in a day wasn't a good idea. The problem was I kept seeing small children and old women hiking, which I have realized were evil visions put into my mind to discourage me. I'm calling out all liars right now; don't ever say you hiked Timp if you just made it to that stupid lake. That's just the beginning, you still have to hike another hour and a half up straight rock to get to the top. At least with good conversation things go by faster. We thoroughly discussed Peyton Manning's quarterbacking strategy (side note I just googled his name to make sure I spelled in correctly...I hadn't) and other sports trivia--so pretty much I was silent for the majority of the hike.

So I made it--good job right? Way to go brother Ryan. See it wasn't so bad? Oh that's right we forgot that it's going to rain and hell/hail (both can be used synonymously at this point) on you. Two hours down and the rain came, then the hail came, which was good because they masked my tears. My tears that told me I shouldn't have gone the first 15 minutes of the hike when I realized after a power bar and gatorade that I was already fatigued and dehydrated. Okay I didn't cry, but that's because I was too angry. Then (and I'm not kidding) lighting struck directly in front of us, which caused my Dad and I to hide under rocks for about 5 minutes since we were standing in the middle of the rock field and might has well been made of metal.

We finally made it down in a record slow time of 8 hours, did I mention that it was just my Dad and me? Oh yeah, my brothers decided to slide down the glacier instead. Both my knees were shot and I seriously contemplated jumping of a few steep cliffs if not for a wife and baby. We made it back to the car and headed home. Altitude sickness started kicking in and I felt like I got hit by a truck. When we made it back to the cabin I was greeted by Greg and his new "lady friend" and I looked like a frayed kitten (I made that up, I don't know what one looks like). Since it was my birthday they asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner. I wanted to go to a shallow grave and rest peacefully, but everyone was starved so I offered to go to Cafe Rio since it was close (side note I don't like Cafe Rio). That was my birthday--next day BYU got demolished and might as well of had small girls playing defense. I love my brothers and Dad and wouldn't have them any other way--just don't feel obligated to invite me on these things. The next day they went to a death defying bike jump and I got a massage and hung out with one of my best friends.

The next weekend I decided to have a birthday redo. My Dad had some of his hotel points he couldn't use so he gave them to me (I deserve them). We went to an amazing hotel in Santa Monica that looked out over the Ocean and had a hot tub on the deck (they upgraded us since my Dad and I share the name David--what they don't know won't hurt them). We had a great dinner with friends. The next day we took a walk down Venice Beach-we had to stop a couple times because my knees are still jacked up, had some breakfast, stopped by the LA temple then went to Beverly Hills and walked around Rodeo Drive. It was a great birthday redo.

This is for people who want to know me, or think they know me and really don't. I love to do a little of everything. Want to hike? I'll do it. Want to rock climb? I'll do it. Want to go to a sporting event, dinner, zoo, city, travel, anything? I'll do it. I just don't want to do it for eight hours--it stops being fun. You stop thinking about the scenery and just focus on the pain and how badly you want to injure someone or harmless animals. That's all--enjoy the pictures of both weekends.











17 comments:

Alana said...

haha! Happy Birthday Ryan! I ATTEMPTED to hike timp last weekend... Don't worry though - we got lost. For some reason we went at 4AM, 3 girls sharing 1 flashlight- good one!!! Took the wrong turn and wandered aimlessly for 6 miles... At least you made it to the top!

lauren ann said...

killing me right now.... you may have had a not-so-great birthday, but the account just made my day. Gracias y feliz cumpleanos sucka

The Yardley's said...

this post is so great. i could just picture you looking like a frayed kitten. makes my day.

Kirby said...

Okay you win...your Birthday really was worse than Scott's. Glad we got the full story, it was a good one! How 'bout another Birthday redo this weekend?! :)

Brenda said...

NO ONE can express or capture an event like you. Creative writing is a gift and you really should consider writing a book. Oh how you can make me laugh! Love you, Mom

nikki said...

I'm still finding it hard to believe you weren't super proud of yourself after that crazy hike. That pic of you on the mountain is awesome! But I like your re-do as well.

I kinda understand you - you know, the just wanting to a little bit of it all but not to the point that it's grueling.

Guess you're not ever hiking Half Dome with us, huh?

Atherly Family said...

I'll be honest, I'm like you when it comes to hiking. I don't like it all that well. Except... I'm very proud of myself when it's all said and done. Don't you think it's awesome that every time you look at that huge mountain you can say "yeah, I climbed to the top of that!"? Plus, you can't beat "guy time". Sorry you hated it but at least your account can make you laugh (well, I laughed anyway:). Wish me luck next week! It'll be the first of many 29th b-days.

Kathy said...

Haha, your post made me feel a little bit better about my upcoming birthday and the fact that it will probably come and go with nothing more than maybe going out to dinner. Although a trip to Utah does sound like fun to me right now. I'm glad you survived the hike though! I swear every-time I attempt a hike I realize how out of shape I am when three year olds are passing me by.
BTW- Erica and Camryn are gorgeous!

Carrie said...

Hiking for so long is hard work. Totally there with you ... and I have no room to speak since the only time I've hiked that long was to half dome, but we broke it into two days. I hope to do it again someday because I love the feeling at the top and the end! And my oh my! What a birthday redo! Lucky ducks! That's fantastic! WHat a great weekend!

Amanda said...

I tried to take my pathetic body on a hike last summer up to just Timp Caves. The altitude got to me and I threw up in the caves. That's my excuse for never hiking Mount Timp in the future. Plus my Dad and brother went recently and I doubt they would want to do it again. Who is that nuts?!?! And what kind of Birthday is it when you don't get to spend it with your wife and baby? They were REAL smart for not going on the hike.

My Name is Mike said...

holy shiz this is funny. i'm still laughing at this.....

Chase and Nichole said...

I am sorry you had the worst birthday weekend ever! But I am glad you got a redo... I would much rather go to a nice hotel that over looks the ocean as well! And I have yet to hike to the top of Timp, the only reason I want to is just to say I did it. So our babies turn one soon! Brielle's bday is this sunday!! When is Camryn's? I forget

Tolly and Lennon said...

My favorite part was when you got a massage while your brothers went on a bike jump...

Happy Birthday!

Nichelle said...

Couldn't be laughing harder. I love hearing your perspective of this story. I have never heard someone say that satan lives at the top of Mt. Timp, and this is why everyone loves you.

abbie said...

8 hours?!!? wasn't your family wondering where you were?? did you have cell service? that would be a bad birthday. haha jk. great story though, right??

Jenny J said...

I'm crying. Thanks for sharing Erica. This was hilarious.

carLy crandaLL said...

satan does indeed live at the top of timp. i can back you up on this one ryan...we hiked it 1 week before the wedding and i almost lost my foot. ok, well not quite but i did get nailed by a huge rock tumbling down the mountain side. i limped on my wedding day bc of this mountain. so yeah, it could be evil. but i'm glad you lived that day to bless us with this awesome re-cap. & happy belated birthday!